Don’t Mess With Uma

Jack Jordan, a University of Chicago graduate and former mental patient who developed an obsession with actress Uma Thurman, was convicted of stalking and aggravated harassment Tuesday morning.

Jordan faces up to a year in jail after a jury convicted him of stalking and harassing the actress with frightening advances, an obsession which developed in high school after Jordan saw her in the 1988 Terry Gilliam movie “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen.”

His feelings intensified after he saw Thurman in the 2003 Quentin Tarantino-directed film “Kill Bill,” and Jordan took his “crush” to the next level by showing up at Thurman’s Greenwich Village home and harassing her on the Manhattan set of her movie “My Super Ex-Girlfriend.”

Jordan’s parents committed him to a Maryland mental facility in late 2005 after learning he was being investigated due to his obsession with Thurman. Upon his release, he continued to harass the actress, sending her at least 20 bizarre cards and letters, including one note that said, ”My hands should be on your body at all times.”

Testifying in his own defense, Jordan said he understands how Thurman could have been frightened by his attempts to see her, and by his comment that her two children didn’t exist, that they were ”an illusion.”

”I was feeling distressed,” said Jordan. ”I had this feeling of longing for Ms. Thurman and I was trying to explain it. I was not trying to scare her in any way.”

Thurman, 38, testified for three hours, telling the jury how Jordan frightened her and made her fear for her children. She showed the jury a card Jordan delivered to her movie trailer which bore a drawing of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade. Random words written in a spiral on the card referred to ”chocolate, mouth, soft, kissing” and the remark about his hands being on her body.

The unemployed 37-year-old pool cleaner, who lives with his parents, could face up to one year in prison. He appears in court next month for sentencing. New York Criminal Court Judge Gregory Carro has ordered Jordan be taken into custody for a psychiatric evaluation.

Jordan’s attorney has also requested his client be placed in protective custody, after he was assaulted in jail after his arrest.

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Scarlett And Ryan Are Getting Hitched

Scarlett Johansson has announced she is engaged to actor Ryan Reynolds, and to prove it, she showed off her rock at the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute Gala Monday night.

ScarJo wore a sparkling diamond solitaire on her left hand as she posed with designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana, who created her ivory evening gown.

Reynolds was not present at the gala, oddly enough, he was away filming a new movie called “The Proposal,” with Sandra Bullock.

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Sea Food Surprise

If ScarJo and Ry are ever out dining one night and their server recommends the Escolar, an apparently delicious deep-sea fish which also goes by the name “Butterfish,” “Hawaiian Walu,” “Super White Tuna” or “King Tuna,” they may want to beware of it’s embarrassing effects.

The trendy dish, which usually runs as an $18 entrée at many fine restaurants, also comes with a side of “anal leakage.” Get all the gory details at Radar Online.

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Wild vs Wild And The City

Speaking of eating exotic things, one of my favorite shows “Man vs Wild” is back with all new episodes for it’s second season on the Discovery Channel.

To mark it’s return, here’s an amusing take-off from College Humor featuring a dead-on impression of the show’s host Bear Grylls, set lose in the wilds of New York City.